My first suturing victim

My first suturing victim
Originally uploaded by kerfern

another to add on to the list of Signs and Symptoms that you are a medical student:

you suture your dinner. lol this is my kitchen counter and my chopping board. 'lacerated' my chicken with my GLOBAL knife lol. poor chick: forgot to put Local anaesthesia before suturing.

i think i should use suturing more usefully: suture a chicken up after i stuff it with stuffings.

had a suturing tutor by a 5th year student who literally has sutured thousands of patients! man i'm jealous.

My world

My world spins around an axis,
and axis called Yew

without Yew, my world stops,
without Yew, my emotions crumble,
without Yew, i cant stand up straight as i used to.

Only Yew can hold my weight, the weight of my contents, my feelings, my thoughts.
With every dawning day, the bond between the axis and the world gets closer.

but when the bond is suddenly lost, the world spins out of control, the world falls;
it falls into a deep endless space.
The world realises he doesnt know which direction to fall to, for the only guidance he had was the axis.
up, down, left, or right?

down he went. and down and down till the feeling was so low. it was terrible.
it was terrible.
the world needs the axis.
My world needs Yew

i need to work harder

My mouse pad and easter egg from Ling and Daryl!
Originally uploaded by kerfern

been sleeping a lot lately. like average 9 to 10 hours. so you can think how much studying i have done if my days are usually 8 to 5ish.

got a great boost of momentum thanks to you and am studying real hard at this moment. i realise i have loads of catching up to do when looking at how consistent people are. and neuro got sooooo much to read lol.

and i havent even finish evaluating the Prof's examination dvd. love him to bits, so brilliant that he was barred from being an examiner somewhere as his standard of neurological examination was so high he failed too many ;p

i just went on my first ever Studio shoot organised by the monash photography club. have some pics, have a look. loved it. we shot so much that we blew a light. lol. funny for me but not for the club. there was this hot babe that was in a suggestive post and the floor of like 6-7 photographers cap shooting an triggering the studio flash continuously till it blew. haha. tt's how desperate guys are. or rather how sad ;p

and this is picture is the mouse pad and the easter egg that Ling and Daryl bought for me =) i heart u guys =)

Fever!

mm been feeling wierd with a sore throat. seems typical of a strep throat i usually get if i get a sore throat which is really rare. close to but not yet feverish. sigh.

easter break for this week went pass quick. and i have done well let's just put it as a bit more than nothing. had a great time watchin Step up 2. according to my sources, the dancing is not as good as Step up 1, which i didnt watch.

photos are all up. so go have a look.

and i am ebaying a bit too much nowadays. eyeing a new wide angle lens.
SP AF17-50mm F/2.8 XR Di II LD Aspherical [IF]

with this i can rule the world ahahaha. that is if i pass med skool.

those blardy noobs at ebay better stop bidding for my lens. it's getting a bit too costly =(

time for me to go do my assignment. sigh

I carry your heart with me

has been a slow easter. not out and about, not studying, just playing Worms Armageddon.

but well at lat got my photoshop C3 to work. and finished editing my photos. so go have a look. Went Wilson's Prom to see the Squeaky beach with Jas, Terrence, Vivek. It was quite cool because of the high quartz content. Every step u take squeaks =)

Time now to get down to work. Bought a new flash diffuser. but a cheaper version lol. made in China ;p and well hoping i can get a new wide angle F/2.8 lens. it's on ebay for AUD$50 at the moment. hope those 5 people stop bidding hahaha, 3 more days to go ;p

And suddenly Winter is slipping through the door. Freezing these days. A poem that's so lovely. recommended by a friend =)

I carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it inmy heart)
i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

Sweet and simple =)

Heavy Hearted

i wonder what is worse, a heavy heart or a myocardial infarct. they are both crushing, but i have never felt a heart attack before.

i feel inadequate. there is so little i noe about neurology, than to my lack of studying of neuroanat for the past 2 years. and i am sad that i am starting to question my desire for surgery. it just doesnt turn me on as much as Gen med rotation. maybe i'll end up a renal or endocrine physician. or just be like my idol who knows everything about everything, and still so nice and willing to teach.

so i am heavey hearted, because of
1. waiting
2. confused about what i want to do in the future
3. inadequacy of my understanding neuroanat
4. neurosurgery which is supposedly one of the most exciting surgeries is not making my eye twinkle in delight
5. i have no extra curricular activities.

maybe i should get in contact with the photography club. i am soooo tired. and i havent studied all week. and it doesnt help that i am insatiable when it comes to perfection, and i am no where near that.

oh boy, head and neck next.

so i finished 5 weeks of rotation at Gen Med. where basically complicated patients are sent. I have had soooooo much fun. seeing all the interesting cases whether rare or common. and it's interesting to noe patients so well they noe u by name. and smile when they just see u, and actually flexing their left hand when u hit their right biceps tendon just for fun. lol

medicine i learn is actually not about completeness, but about a directed approach to decipher the pattern of signs and symptoms.

i am seriously starting to doubt whether i should be a surgeon.
1. i actually like interacting with patients and also probably the love i have to give patients will not be as much as when i do surgery.
2. i like tackling the interesting puzzles of curious patients like Fever of Unknown Origin.
3. i met a renal consultant and another Urologist i think. both of which inspire me to be like them. i want to beat the renal consultant by getting my foot in to the level of a consultant in 7 years after i graduate. wahaha

many things have been on my mind. actually only 1 thing. but it's been running around my mind, almost hard to catch and stop it. i wonder how long the wait has to be. well i do hope good things come to people who wait =)

up and coming: head and neck
and i got 1 week of neurosurgery. and i have yet to read anything about the head. lol

dead tired

it's time for me to change how i prioritise.

work has been stacking up a lot. and i have been doing useless stuff. like processing photos.

had a great party last night at my place. for Ling, my housemate. Daryl and I surprised her with 40 odd people stuck in our apartment. Thanx to those who turned up and those who helped out, especially: Bamdrew ;p, Emily and people who turned up though they had something on. thanx everyone for making it a great party

made the 2nd chocolate cake in my life. this one tasted so GOOD! and i will post the recipe up soon. cant remember the original location. it was from a food blog. probably the first and last cake recipe i encounter that uses boiling water. lol

photos will have to wait for now. i got too much work at hand. "it's labour day today. we should be labouring," said Becky.

meanwhile many other photos are up. my shots in Singapore, the first few mths in melb this year and a whole lot of parties.

missing and still yet to process are Ming Jian's and Ling's smashing parties =)

"peace out"

women...

i like the hazardous material datasheet;p

Tormented

Tormented as can be. he lives his life. always distracted. even in sleep.
he ponders his life. how he got here, and where is he to go from here.

his heart beats. he feels his heart beat.

he stones. though he never did. what has happened to him?

food has taste? the world passes by as he walks through it, almost having a car in his head.
cooking? 'i'd rather try to sleep, i'm tired, really tired,' he says. who the hell enjoys cooking?

at last there was light =)

ah, internet has made it's way into my home. at last it is complete. wahahaha

LOADS of photos to edit and upload, no time now though, still trying to adjust to 3rd year.

i realise that hospitals are so much fun, and patients are fun to work with especially when they are delirious.

really got to go. promise to update as i used to. every Sunday. =)

Later...

lately, it's been busy. i'll prob post more stuff when i settle my housing or my life has stabalised.

issues to talk about:

mind games.
friendships and love

peace out