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Saturday, October 07, 2006

Regret and Faux Pas

A word, a phrase, a sentence, a thought. So subtle, yet so lethal, so powerful to invoke sleep deprivation, strong emotions of disappointment, or even fear and sadness. A tear almost dropped at how disappointed i was in myself. Some say i am perceptive, some dispute that say that i am blunt and not street-smart and blur and not good at negotiating... Well i think i need to think more before i speak, before i start making more people feel bad, sad, dissapointed. In future, some may even kill themselves if i say something wrong. No room for error. I should take more control in my life: including my speech and actions.

Well i had a resoultion with the duality in my mind today, that i have watched enough of episodes of Alias, and other procrastinations for me to start work. Full steam ahead, hope i do not lose steam or burn myself out to soon. Exams coming. Time to rock and roll.

Meanwhile in the vincinity of 'Happy land': a strange and bright storm of delgihtfullness has come and passed:
We had a stupendous, stupefying, spectacular, special night at Med Ball last night. A huge photo hunt for people whom u noe and to snap with them. Got a ride from a limousine that was sponsorred by JEM + Me for a memorable time for the girls and us. Made so many girls happy. Realise how pretty girls can be at an event like this, it like... brings out the inner beauty in their exterior facades. A night where i discovered jealousy is a sign of selfish love and liking. A ball that did not give you the option to choose chicken or beef, just gave you in random alternation. Spent so much money that i feel guilty when i told my father that. I get reminded that i am not that rich. And someone knows my fear of spending...

It was an okay night at the after party. Clubbed, drank a shot. Well sorry Josh that we had to leave early, we had a limo waiting.. It was crowded, no space to dance properly. Remembered how girls are willing to sacrifice their feet just to look sexier, more alluring with their 3 inch, 2 inch heels. I salute them man. Now they have to nurse their blisters...

Why does The Scientist sound so nice? Because i am sorry, for not telling what it realy is, what i really think, feel and want. I desire melancholy, sad is the new happiness. And i go crazy, pondering what to do, what to want to, but yet not do. haha and i laugh at how the duality in my mind screws each other, and yet not sustain any injuries as they are just an entity of my energy and thoughts. Compartmenalising emotions is just a lie, a sad sad lie. Wahaha. Does anyone out there actually has the desire for just a loving touch, not sex, but just a nice hug to warm a face to a smile. A nice sweet smile straight from the heart.

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