My 21st

The Card 2
Originally uploaded by kerfern.

So, a long overdue, late post, almost 1 weeks already. Pictures for the celebration with the Monash Meddies, will come slightly later. Havent got it from them yet. I would like to thank all of u for celebrating my bdae with me.

The photos of all the gifts are on Flikr, so go see them, got interesting coments in there.

The celebration: MY bdae was on Sat, and on Wed, John asked me to join him for dinner, we were supposed to be having it just with each other. Then Saturday came and John delayed the time to meet up for dinner a few times. Suspicious. Well we took a bus to clayton. He "suggested" that he wanted to eat korean food. So i recommended him 2 places at Clayton. I wanted to go to another, but it didnt take him much effort to convince me to go to where he wanted. As usual i am easygoing, I WAS EXPLOITED lol.

So then as we went up the flight of stairs at the restaurant, there they all were. In the restaurant waiting for me. A yum seng that made the whole restaurant look at us... It was a fantastic meal, thanks for the treat guys, and it ended off with a cheesecake from the shop i always wanted to try, so John remembered... Too bad he's attached wahahaha.

I was bombarded by the sheer size and number of gifts.

I would seriously say it was a plan flawlessly executed. But i had some suspicions along the way:

1. When John called me for dinner, well it's quite unlikely that it would be just him and me
2. On Friday night itself, Roberts hall had phototaking. I had to convince MJ to go for it as he was a little reluctant to. Then he agreed to go down with what he was already wearing: which was something quite nice; wear so nice go where? ;p
3. Then Jeff and MJ told me they were going mess hall. And it was not only once. lol. So desperately trying to throw me off guard. And if they were really going mess hall, why MJ wear so nice before even wanting to go for photo taking.
4. Then John tried to stall time, maybe it was because not everyone was there.
5. Then at the bus stop with john, forgot what we were talking about, then i being my random self say i want to call Kelvin to confirm. That got John a lil gan cheong. haha

Well thats about all folks. Keep your eyes peeled for more photos. Should be up by weekend.

Bought a 500GB hard disk. And now i spent too much time on it. Havent touched my books at all. Die liao. 30 days to exams! Oh and i cut my hair, looks kinda funky it should since it costs $28. lol Just need to find a suit for med ball..

Happy Birthday to the Gal

I purposely, posted this at the last minute of your birthday. Usually people lose sleep to wait to wish birthdays the first minute of the day. But i do it last..

Well dearest Shihui! Have a happy one. Can see that u liked the suicide rabbits, hope u liked the mini letter i wrote u. Waiting impatiently for your card. Hope it actualy reaches.

I wonder has anyone hit beyond your $300 mark specifically someone. =p Keep in touch and i quote " huis! happy funky 21st baby :D stay HOT!" lol

Anger

Mr KCYY said that anger should be considered as a motivator with the likes of Fear, Love and desire for comfort. Well anger, ever wondered what is it?

Here is my dissection of anger:

Anger an emotion expressed by many who do not bother to use a facade or mask to maintain composure to be well liked. It is expressed in situations of hurt, or hate. Mostly, it stems from disappointment or disgrace. I will attempt to show you that it is not a base emotion but derives from some of the original 3 i dictate.

Being hurt by someone (emotionally) and disappointment, derives from love of that person, like a parent disappointed that the child is homosexual. Hate, is a complex one, why do we hate people or things? It is a strong dislike, and why do we dislike? The person or object of dislike is something that we may fear causing us harm (like u hate cacti because they poke u), or simply something that does not suit our eye (u hate lime green), where suiting our taste is something that makes us feel comfortable. Then there is hate that derives from love: (you hate people who eat lobsters especially the real red ones because you love sea creatures)

So there you have it, a feeble attempt at explaining anger, and where it comes from.

On a side note, I got some cadaver juice on my lips today, EWWWWWWW, so i got back at the cadaver by dislocating his hip. Thanks Joshua for his help, when most of my group lost hope in dislocating it, even my tutor Aki was more interested in talking to a co-worker, about someone's death. Or maybe she was confident that we will get it done anyway. So maybe orthopedic surgery, well i dunno.

Distraction: a road to self discovery

I get distracted a tat too easily. here's the lists of distractions: bejeweled, msn, anime: naruto, bleach, tv shows: The OC, sleep.

I have decided to actually explore why i get distracted. First, what am i distracted from.

1. Catch up with past 2 weeks stuff
2. Assignment due on 22 Sept
3. Packing my room
4. Filing my stuff: which is now a lot...
5. Backing up my computer

Think there shold be other stuff that are less important. Well now to why?

We have not many motivators in life: Fear, Love, Desire for comfort. Think that sums it up. Fear as someone said 'is the worst motivator for any action or inaction', it is however a powerful one, sure we all feel it the day before exam. Love, the motivator that is even more powerful; fear is a self-protective motivated motivator, while love is a self-sacrificing motivator. To be willing to sacrifice, is to give your all, all your power, not like fear which is just to dodge death or evil consequence.

Then there is the desire for comfort. The theory of why we are doing what we have been doing all our lives, to conform to society, to improve ourselves by studying, working to get food on the table, to get a better life for us, our parents, our future family, is all but a desire of comfort. In the examples listed, there are some actions that have multiple motivators like family support, is both love and the desire for comfort.

The desire for comfort is not necessarily a bad thing: but it stems out a few characteristics that are well-hated, ill-liked; laziness: the desire for short term comfort, so much so that you dont want to do anything that has to move your tendon or neuron; procrastination: putting off prioty stuff just for a moment of lack of work, or for a moment of relaxation.

Distraction: is but a combination of laziness and procrastination, the desire to put away stress by ignoring the already high stacking pile of work. The desire to waste away time and relax, while still having a huge bubble behind that progresses slowly in eating your constant thoughts: that the work is piling up, that escapism is only temporary, that if you carry on, you are going to crash. CRASH! BADLY, maybe even never get to have an active neuron again. death.

So this post is a line i draw on my road. To end this misery of distractions, to stop this childish nonsense, i can almost see depression setting in, maybe i'm bipolar like 2 people told me before. Haha, maybe i'll go mad. But to end off, not in a further form of escapism, but with facing the MUSIC. If only i could play some. Haha. Die! let the desire to escape die! Wahahaha!

Haha, so in the end the need to disarm my DISTRACTIONS is due to fear of failure, and also for a desire for a greater comfort in the future, and for the love of my parents who sent me here, also the fear of disappointment of my parents, and my own disappointment. Fearing fear itself i see..

What is love?

A question so many ask, and if u were paid a quadrillionth of a cent for every time some one thinks of it, you would probably still be a millionaire. But yet, it is a feeling, something so deep in the body feeling, so far from logic sometimes, that we cannot express it in words. For i personally cannot express what it is.

But here, i now portray love in a few lines of excert from 'About a Boy', starring Hugh Grant. For those who have not yet seen it, it's about how a 12 year old boy, Marcus, got to get close to Will (Hugh Grant), a 38 year old man, and they became friends. This part probably captures this quintessence of "What is Love?"

Marcus: What's the difference between a girl who's your friend and a girlfriend?

Will: Well, I don't know. Do you want to touch her?

Marcus: Is that so important?

Will: Yeah, you've heard about sex, right? It is kind of a big deal.

Marcus: I know. I'm not stupid.
I just can't believe there's nothing more to it.
I mean, like, I want to be with her more. I want to be with her all the time.
And I want to tell her things I don't even tell you or Mum.
And I don't want her to have another boyfriend.
If I could have all those things...
...I wouldn't really mind if I touched her or not.

Gifts

So i received a gift or 2 for no apparent rhyme or reason (no it's not my birthday yet). Which inspired me to write a post about it.

I can't remember a gift i last received from someone other than family. Sounds sad, but yeah i get by. (it's the lack of memory that is sad, not the lack of gifts)

So like i said to someone. There can be only a few reasons why a female friend will give u a gift, not an extraordinary one, but just something simple: the reasons are ranked from most likely to least likely.

• She knows your birthday is around the corner and gives you an early gift, but has not enough money to buy a proper gift, but still wants to show that she appreciated your friendship
• She just wants to see you smile. Cheer someone up everyday. Now that is a nice little girl.
• She actually feels philantrophic, probably inspired from the world's best selling book, or it just came from the heart," hello, this is your heart speaking, give something to someone today and maybe you will be pardoned for what you did yesterday."
• She has a list of things to do before she dies. And 1 of them is to give something to someone you hate to the guts
• She has too much stress from life, e.g. exams, and has decided to give some random friend a gift so that there is some time off life to get to converse with that random friend
• She is in a plot to keep you wondering what the hell is the reason she gave you something. And it will confuse him even more with a megawatt smile.
• She likes you and wants to express it in a form of a gift, but has no monies to buy you a princess cut ring from Lee Hwa Jewellery which is 6000 km away, though the ring probably costs more than the flight.
• Keep your friends close and enemies closer

Disclaimer: The above is a narration of the consequence of simple actions that hits a perceptive mind that incessantly speculates reasons behind actions, compounded by the need to be distracted during stressful times. The consequence is a string of thoughts that are totally illogical and loose linked, a pre-empt to possible thought disorders or paranoia. But i always mean what i say, just that what i say is interpreted differently between me and most people.

It is just so cool to play with people's minds.

Friends and then love.

Friends are nice things to have, chances to open up, chances to make us not so insular, chance to be lovers, chance to love not as lovers, chance to share, chance to actually take care of someone, chance to be there for someone else. My father said sometimes friends should just be viewed as tools to help you succeed. Well i would hate to do that to my friends, almost seem to make them inanimate, stepping stones, like investments. Why can't the world just value relationships more.

Then there is the perpetual problem of good friends that are of the opposite sex. There is supposedly an impossibility that they actually do not fall in love. At least, a girl told me that before. Well, here's what i think: we find it difficult to differentiate expression of love and friendship. After all, close friends love each other and will do anything for each other.

For opposite sex friends to get close, the actions usually meant for close friends get interpreted as actions of love. That is when confusion starts, clearly you like each other at least as friends. But what distinguishes the 2 is probably romance, but... it is so nice to just see a girl get amazed and surprised when you surprise her with something, even if she is a friend... Is that only just for the girl you love, or friends too. And maybe get accused of sending the wrong signals. I think I probably can't really diffferentiate the 2. Haha, so girls i know out there better becareful.

But I changed for someone. If someone inspires you to change, someone actually able to make you want to go against that immense inertia to change, do you love her? You taught me so much. I thank you. But you can only guess if it is you...

Love: just like what Ethan quoted, and also what was in "A Walk to Remember"(watched it last night, blardy tear jerker):
1 Corinthians 13:4 to 8a.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.

Like what Snow Patrol dictated in Chasing Cars, "those 3 words, are said too much, they're not enough"

Time stands for that moment

Sometimes we need a sudden stillness of time to let us think through, to let that 3 ton lorry crash through your mind to actually let the obvious surface. Like trapping in an elevator...

How I know the exams are nearby

How i know the exams are nearby:

1. I start to get more attached to my bed
2. I start getting more attached to the internet: KEEP OPENING internet explorer to see stuff i just saw bout 2 secs earlier
3. Distracted. Much more than usual, By the heart, by the mind, but my conscience is gagged and tied up in some closet
4. Time passes so fast that i can't name things i did today
5. Indulgence. in any pleasurable form of distraction: Super crunchy peanut butter, orisinal.com
6. physiologically: My ear tips start turning red, my sinuses start to get inflammed: hypersensitivity due to lowered immune system due to stress due to lack of studying for exam
7. start writing crap about the world and relationships

Here goes nothing:

It's interesting how human interaction or the lack thereof which causes a sense of isolation is determined by the relationships of people involved. E.g. odd person with 2 couples in a dining area. Next is positioning: You get more interaction if you are literally at the centre of the group, center of attraction.

How much you want to interact with people is determined by how insecure you are. Interaction creates relationships which you will deem essential for social stability and security. If you are totally secure and at peace, you do not need people, just silence alone is beautiful enough.

Flawful points of social interactions... I promise to study hard after this post and after i cook my pasta for dinner.

Edwin's Beloved Grandma passed on

Just caught wind that my good buddy Edwin Yang's Grandma passing away. My sincere condolences. Remember if you need anyone to talk to at least i am here. This goes out to you too Rachel. Take care of yourselves. Life has to go on.

The Druze

For those who do not know, most Muslims in Lebanon are not actually pure muslims but rather Druze. Mano from Monash Medicine whom i met at Cohuna told me so.

Cohuna> turn left turn right, the middle of no where, in the middle of the night

Rural: Cohuna> left, right, the middle of no where in the middle of the night
Originally uploaded by kerfern.

Missing in action for the past week as i was at a rural placement for my Med course. A week of excitement warrants a LONG post.

I went to Cohuna with 11 other people, of which Kelvin was the other Singaporean and there was one more guy, Mano, who was Lebanese. So... 9 girls to 3 guys, too bad the guys stayed separate from the girls...

We visited 1 hosptial in Kerang, which was a better equiped one than in Cohuna. It was frustrating to hear that the government only gave $600, 000 while the 2000 population came up with $1 million, for the rebuilding of the hospital.

There were no doctors that were constantly stationed in the hospitals due to the lack of rural doctors. When a patient is admitted, then the GPs were called from their private practices to the hospital. There were only visiting specialists that visited about once a week. So any thing serious, the patients have to go to Bendigo Hospital, a larger hospital or catch a helicopter to Melbourne Hospital.

The most interesting part of the trip was my 'home-based' care visit. Others go to explore the services by going to patients houses. But mine was to go to a nature reserve. Yes! i was shocked. There, Esther, a renowned Aboroginal artist, top 10 in Australia, was our guide to the reserve. Her grand niece, Raye Raye was the cutest girl i have ever seen. She taught us how to make foot prints of animals and a baby foot steps. What was disturbing was when she said the best cure for snake bites and poisoning is WHISKEY! Maybe we should have corrected her, she could have saved another life.

Then after, Megan, Rasha, Steph and I played with some kids from an Aborogines family over a BBQ. I learnt a little footy from a guy. Whom i later found out actually was a professional player. He must have been so frustrated everytime i kicked the ball, it went up or totally far away... The kids were extremely fun to play with, they were like less than 5 years. Some were like chasing the ball, accidentally kicking it and so goes the neverending chase.

It was only after they left, that the manager of the Northern District Community Health Service, told us that actually the kids all had some form of abuse or another. The twins were born heroin addicts as their mom was one. The others had family problems. They are in the 'Many Children' program, a support service for drug, alcohol abuse and family abuse.

It's amazing how much service they actually provided. I don't think i see any kind of this kind of service in Singapore. Last but not least, I had the company of 11 other great people. They were all damn fun to hang, though think frequently, Kelvin and I were like: we're a little old for this... lol

The trip ended with a great Dinner with John and the monash meddies at Grand Tofu. Woot! the Curry Yong Tau Hoo damn ZAI!

Happy Birthday Buddy!