The day before exam

Realise that i have to still try to study as much as i can, though i cannot finish even 2nd sem. Fever has gone down due to penicillin ingestion courtesy of doc at the campus. Still need a cure for what becky calls hypoinfomia. Think i should be able to pass.

A shout out to those who tagged me:
Karin> thanx babe. help me say hi to kevin too. I am hoping for a bbq this year, but dont get ur hopes high

Rach> wah so many ilu*s that it almost sounds indecent haha. gd luck babe

huis> okay, i changed the font size liao. And anyone out ther who has comments on my layout can tell me

NatW> hey babe, feeling better liao. Thanx. i suppose u are on psych rotation too?

OMGoodness, i get an idea that either 1) only girls read blogs or 2) only girls leave tags when they read blogs
Good luck to all for exams. Yes that includes all the Yr 2 NUS med.

The power of technology...

I am now experiencing tab browsing, and no i have not converted to Firefox yet. I am using Windows live toolbar. The custom button creation is fantastic. At the IE toolbar, i can type what i want to search and click the respective button to search at the different sites. Currently at a touch of the button i can search:

1. wikipedia
2. An online medical dictionary
3. dictionary.com
4. phazeddl.com
5. technorati.com
6. youtube.com

furthermore, i changed the default search from Windows live to Goodtree. But yes, microsoft as they always have been, has some bugs to fix in the toolbar, it causes the IE to hang. So far for the past few days, i have got it hung about 2 times.

Studying: i have not been able to cover as much as i wanted. Too much stress. And i am too far way behind. SEriously the least prepared exam for the whole year. So disappointed in myself. I can do much better than this. Now is just how to salvage the situation, because i am in for a fright when i see the paper on WEd. I can only hope my fever will go away and that i cough less and sleep less. fantastic the monkey mind at work again.

As Calvin and Hobbes depicted. I AM MAKING A MESS OUT OF MY LIFE.

ANd People in Australia: DAYLIGHT SAVINGS HAS BEGUN

Coldplaying

Interesting note to self:

Someone actually put my Coldplay concert pics up on Coldplay's website. Wow!

And i found out another good use for my 1 metre long Toblerone box which i cannot bear to throw away: my fan speed seector, (yes fan as in the one that blows). Very useful in a screwed up temperature place like melbourne. haha

A Tired Boy

Been tired lately. Laziness, sleep more than study. Well time to awake, and rise to the power i am bequeathed by my advanced mult gyrus, folded large brain which is used like more than 100%. Wahahaha...
Boingggg
B2:Are u thinking what i am thinking B1
B1: i think i am B2. i say kerf has gone mad
B2: indeed...

Thanks Jasmine for that nice and touching post. Another satisfied customer of the Kerf Helpdesk... I just realised that downloading the whole UNSW embryology website was a not so good idea. Good in the sense i got almost everything there in my harddisk, bad that i blew up my wireless bandwidth. i blew it big time alright: in that hour i downloaded more than 2GB... I wonder how screwed am i... For those who dunno, Monash students have a limited 1GB limit for wireless per semster. Yes we are sad people.

And i realised today, so many things a girl has to think about before agreeing to be housemates with others ;) It took my ex-tuition student who is going to take her O levels to wake me up from my surreal prcrastination.

Yes, skool's out. I miss the cadavers already. Say... pass the scalpel..

Always nice to have a person to share everything with

Always nice to have a person to share everything with
Originally uploaded by kerfern.

Well, 2 weeks left to exams, and a week after that to OSCEs, and about a week after, going back home. Yipee! for the last, but glum for the rest.

Well studying has been okays. Okay: a word used to describe the sense that nothing extraordinary has happened, and is well... somewhat normal. This is subjected to people's interpretation. I think i lost myself explaining somewhere.. Have gotten down to studying, but still not as much as i hope for. Wasted the whole of Saturday watching Gundam Seed. haha. 500 GB hard disk, the pinacle of distraction.

Well some say it's just about time to start. FOr those who havent, yes you should. People like Ling, please get a hold of urself, and study. Everything's a facade sometimes, it's alomst impossible to peer into everyones lives. Even if they are close friends.

Always nice... Yes someone to share your ups and downs, it's a good thing or experience to have. And like Weichern's post said, , A Life Without Love is probably a sin. But well all i can say is if u want it, go get it. I probably still am not wanting it enough yet, to sacrifice. Haha, sure sounds selfish, and the irony is you will end up SHARING everything with your other.

Pictures for Med Ball and my Birthday celebration up, And the Mid autumn fest too!

The limo ME and the cake
Originally uploaded by kerfern. Originally uploaded by kerfern.

Chinny chin chin
Originally uploaded by kerfern.

Go Look! The mid Autumn Festival ones are nice! real Lovely. Think thes best eva i tell u.

Mid Autumn Festival

The Haze is getting to everybody in Singapore. Maybe it's the lanterns for the fest.

A few of us had a fantastic time for the festival. John, Kelvin, Xinyi, Jason Nutter(an ex-marist) and Me. We had a fantastic time by the lake from like 1 am till like 3 am. Had fantastic photos. Eat mooncake, look at the moon, talk to a drunk Scottish exchange student, had "A walk to remember" round the lake with 2 lanterns. Moon music like chinese and english songs that had anytihing to do with the moon. Took photos of the stars. With sparklers too. So cold, Xinyi was shivering, poor girl. Photos soon.

Regret and Faux Pas

A word, a phrase, a sentence, a thought. So subtle, yet so lethal, so powerful to invoke sleep deprivation, strong emotions of disappointment, or even fear and sadness. A tear almost dropped at how disappointed i was in myself. Some say i am perceptive, some dispute that say that i am blunt and not street-smart and blur and not good at negotiating... Well i think i need to think more before i speak, before i start making more people feel bad, sad, dissapointed. In future, some may even kill themselves if i say something wrong. No room for error. I should take more control in my life: including my speech and actions.

Well i had a resoultion with the duality in my mind today, that i have watched enough of episodes of Alias, and other procrastinations for me to start work. Full steam ahead, hope i do not lose steam or burn myself out to soon. Exams coming. Time to rock and roll.

Meanwhile in the vincinity of 'Happy land': a strange and bright storm of delgihtfullness has come and passed:
We had a stupendous, stupefying, spectacular, special night at Med Ball last night. A huge photo hunt for people whom u noe and to snap with them. Got a ride from a limousine that was sponsorred by JEM + Me for a memorable time for the girls and us. Made so many girls happy. Realise how pretty girls can be at an event like this, it like... brings out the inner beauty in their exterior facades. A night where i discovered jealousy is a sign of selfish love and liking. A ball that did not give you the option to choose chicken or beef, just gave you in random alternation. Spent so much money that i feel guilty when i told my father that. I get reminded that i am not that rich. And someone knows my fear of spending...

It was an okay night at the after party. Clubbed, drank a shot. Well sorry Josh that we had to leave early, we had a limo waiting.. It was crowded, no space to dance properly. Remembered how girls are willing to sacrifice their feet just to look sexier, more alluring with their 3 inch, 2 inch heels. I salute them man. Now they have to nurse their blisters...

Why does The Scientist sound so nice? Because i am sorry, for not telling what it realy is, what i really think, feel and want. I desire melancholy, sad is the new happiness. And i go crazy, pondering what to do, what to want to, but yet not do. haha and i laugh at how the duality in my mind screws each other, and yet not sustain any injuries as they are just an entity of my energy and thoughts. Compartmenalising emotions is just a lie, a sad sad lie. Wahaha. Does anyone out there actually has the desire for just a loving touch, not sex, but just a nice hug to warm a face to a smile. A nice sweet smile straight from the heart.

Help..

Think i need help. A 500GB has just made my life worse. So for those who hate people who whine or sulk or complain or bitch on my blog: please refrain from reading on, or you may puke blood and drink it back to preserve your own pathetic life of reading blogs to get to know someone for their bright side and not their sad side and the side that actually wishes someone to hold their hand. Well here goes nothing, dun say i didnt warn you.

Well a week of holidays had passed, a hope to finally catch up with my work, a hope to actually lessen my anxieties, a hope to gain control again of my life. Well it is now all lost, all of it. It's the last 13 mins of the holidays and i have effectively wrote only a little bit of descriptive epidemiology notes, thats all, period. No i did not study any other thing, havent touched my Moore's since the Vetebra coloumn that day (yes for those who think i am kidding, i did not even touch it for mid-sem exams) and well the rest is just terrible.

What's worse, though my mid sem exam results were not bad, they are a terrible gauge of what i am in, as this terrible form of loss of control in my life only took effect after the exams. So i know that my actual power now is much lower than what was reflected in my results. But well, i may have formative OSCEs tmr, but i havent touched anything on it. lol

Some thik that i am smart enough to catch up. Well first i am not that smart, second, even if i am ,i have to actually do something before i can actually extract knowledge from this airy world and that includes actually reading..

Hope i snap out of it NOW! screams and cries... well maybe i should get delusional or schizo or depressed for some of u to do a MSE on me. Well i will never give up. Stop u blardy monkey mind, always prancing around, looking for the next distraction. Motivation, how to be what i want to be if i get distracted so easily.

Maybe i should lose some slepp to punish myself, my body already doing half of it by getting sick, enter Sinusitis. I love myself. Enough i hope.

My 21st

The Card 2
Originally uploaded by kerfern.

So, a long overdue, late post, almost 1 weeks already. Pictures for the celebration with the Monash Meddies, will come slightly later. Havent got it from them yet. I would like to thank all of u for celebrating my bdae with me.

The photos of all the gifts are on Flikr, so go see them, got interesting coments in there.

The celebration: MY bdae was on Sat, and on Wed, John asked me to join him for dinner, we were supposed to be having it just with each other. Then Saturday came and John delayed the time to meet up for dinner a few times. Suspicious. Well we took a bus to clayton. He "suggested" that he wanted to eat korean food. So i recommended him 2 places at Clayton. I wanted to go to another, but it didnt take him much effort to convince me to go to where he wanted. As usual i am easygoing, I WAS EXPLOITED lol.

So then as we went up the flight of stairs at the restaurant, there they all were. In the restaurant waiting for me. A yum seng that made the whole restaurant look at us... It was a fantastic meal, thanks for the treat guys, and it ended off with a cheesecake from the shop i always wanted to try, so John remembered... Too bad he's attached wahahaha.

I was bombarded by the sheer size and number of gifts.

I would seriously say it was a plan flawlessly executed. But i had some suspicions along the way:

1. When John called me for dinner, well it's quite unlikely that it would be just him and me
2. On Friday night itself, Roberts hall had phototaking. I had to convince MJ to go for it as he was a little reluctant to. Then he agreed to go down with what he was already wearing: which was something quite nice; wear so nice go where? ;p
3. Then Jeff and MJ told me they were going mess hall. And it was not only once. lol. So desperately trying to throw me off guard. And if they were really going mess hall, why MJ wear so nice before even wanting to go for photo taking.
4. Then John tried to stall time, maybe it was because not everyone was there.
5. Then at the bus stop with john, forgot what we were talking about, then i being my random self say i want to call Kelvin to confirm. That got John a lil gan cheong. haha

Well thats about all folks. Keep your eyes peeled for more photos. Should be up by weekend.

Bought a 500GB hard disk. And now i spent too much time on it. Havent touched my books at all. Die liao. 30 days to exams! Oh and i cut my hair, looks kinda funky it should since it costs $28. lol Just need to find a suit for med ball..

Happy Birthday to the Gal

I purposely, posted this at the last minute of your birthday. Usually people lose sleep to wait to wish birthdays the first minute of the day. But i do it last..

Well dearest Shihui! Have a happy one. Can see that u liked the suicide rabbits, hope u liked the mini letter i wrote u. Waiting impatiently for your card. Hope it actualy reaches.

I wonder has anyone hit beyond your $300 mark specifically someone. =p Keep in touch and i quote " huis! happy funky 21st baby :D stay HOT!" lol

Anger

Mr KCYY said that anger should be considered as a motivator with the likes of Fear, Love and desire for comfort. Well anger, ever wondered what is it?

Here is my dissection of anger:

Anger an emotion expressed by many who do not bother to use a facade or mask to maintain composure to be well liked. It is expressed in situations of hurt, or hate. Mostly, it stems from disappointment or disgrace. I will attempt to show you that it is not a base emotion but derives from some of the original 3 i dictate.

Being hurt by someone (emotionally) and disappointment, derives from love of that person, like a parent disappointed that the child is homosexual. Hate, is a complex one, why do we hate people or things? It is a strong dislike, and why do we dislike? The person or object of dislike is something that we may fear causing us harm (like u hate cacti because they poke u), or simply something that does not suit our eye (u hate lime green), where suiting our taste is something that makes us feel comfortable. Then there is hate that derives from love: (you hate people who eat lobsters especially the real red ones because you love sea creatures)

So there you have it, a feeble attempt at explaining anger, and where it comes from.

On a side note, I got some cadaver juice on my lips today, EWWWWWWW, so i got back at the cadaver by dislocating his hip. Thanks Joshua for his help, when most of my group lost hope in dislocating it, even my tutor Aki was more interested in talking to a co-worker, about someone's death. Or maybe she was confident that we will get it done anyway. So maybe orthopedic surgery, well i dunno.