Motivation

To look oneself in the eye and feel that you are up for whatever is coming ahead. Having aconfidence when you do not even know what is coming. Id that real confidence, or rather a lie that you can handle anything. You havent been through everything have you?

Motivation, self motivation is more than jsut telling yourself you can do it. It is truly believing in yourself. But how do you overcome the inertia that is making you sleepy every time you hit the books. (mine are ebooks ;p)Well i havent found an answer to that. Probably i need to remind myself why i am so tired. I dunno. Maybe i need to remind myself why am i doing medicine and what i set out to do in the first place. I am not here just to be a simple student that just passes. well it's a dream, but we dun get anywhere without dreams do we. Strive? to endure with will power. Maybe motivation is more powerful.

Beats me... i dunno what am i writing...

Busy busy busy not studying.. booo

Well had Singapore Association of Monash > SAM BBQ on Fri, Whole day Winery trip with the Monash Photography Club on Saturday. Both events were spectacular. Photos are already uploaded for these 2 events as well as Ling's Bdae with both my and her photos.

The BBQ: the turn out was like about 50, and they planned only for 30, so food was a problem. Well it was those people who did not RSVP and just came. Shame on them. Though i think i was one of them too ;P. Vivek, quickly remedied the problem with his right hand drive, pizzas and more sausages! There was also movie screening of Little man. Well i'm not exactly a fan of that kind of humour. Had lot's of fun shooting though, still think XY has a better personality for photographing. There was a class for Swing by Monash Dance Sport just beside our event. There are a few photos of that too. Angsty Jeff tell us about his farewell speech planning on his departure when they are going to hand over, interesting, but well not surprising. There are always people around who work and other who just look like they work. Some are sadder, they try to look like they work, but they not at all. lol

The winery trip: went to Yarra Valley for 3 different wineries. The planning of the trip was great, especially the logistics the amount of food catered for the trip was fantastic for 57 people, morning tea and also lunch. Though it was like sandwiches and breads and bakery stuff, we were still mighty satisfied. The view was splendid, says the photos. The wine was lovely, and i puchased one for me and another one for Melanie's dad, i remember her dad likes wine, when we went Vic market before we went back to Singapore. I bought Cabernet Sauvignon blend with Merlot vintage: 2003 and it was only $10!

Now back to studying. or rather back to starting to study...

Happy 21st! Miss Wong Ling Ling

Happy birthday to the girl. And lucky her got her best friends that came over to almost surprise her. That Pek Wan Sze forgot she got my umber, if not i could have helped to arrange for her surprising entry to the party.

I made my first ever Choc cake. and my first ever cake for 30 people. and in the end, it still wasnt enough. So as we can see the turn out for the party was huge. Venue was the JEM house. Those who do not know, it's Jeffery, Ethan and Ming Jian. The bbq was fantastic, though it poured after most of the food was done. Made great tasting prawns with Jim BEan. Didnt now it was Ethan who got it for himself. Sorry. But well the prawns were good.

The cake according to many was good. They said, the nuts inside were interesting. But here's the secret: there were no nuts! I forgot to get some castor sugar and ended up waiting for Xin Yi to buy. While waiting for the sugar, i mixed the egg and flour together, and the wait was too long causing the mixture to harden, so by the time i got to mix it with the choc, there were bits that could not blend in well... and that is the story of the pseudonuts. Well it was still good tasting for my first try. go look at the photos. They will be up soon.

Partially burnt my Shepard's pie today as i have no good oven. The oven has both top and bottom heating element, but only the bottom is working. Like cooking a ccake on stove like that. So to brown the top of my Shepard's pie, i transfer to the grill compartment of the oven and well i set the heat too high, there is no temp marking for the grill... booo... And well smelt it burning after i exited my shower. Thank goodness it's only the ripples of my Shepard's pie that is burnt.

Tommorrow is my first driving lesson, hope i learn fast, and pass early, so that i can get drining over and done with, at last i will have a new skill to flaunt to myself, and i got a mirror to look at all the time (as if i am so vain). That is if i get a car, which is very very unlikely

Unititled

no it's not a spelling error. it's Uni titled.

Studying better now. but well still long way to go for much stuff. still playing catch up as usual. Cooked Char Siew 叉烧 today using pork belly. And i realise that maybe i should use some other meet next time. I can almost imagine the fatty streaks forming in my vessels...

Becky got her car, Ethan's parents came and got us Krispy Kremes! Thanx Ethan and Ethan's Dad and Ethan's Mum! JEM got a 31" LCD screen, they getting foxtel. I can only react reactionlessly... Real sad that Mr Lee Wei Chern decided to go back to Malaysia to read his medicine. Well what to do, he has his reasons and i respect that.

Got a new Nokia 6288, with a 2 year plan in Australia's "3". it's a mobile service provider for those who do not know.. at $3 i get to have unlimited MMS to "3" users quite interesting.

Realise that actually i have many people around me who are really hardworking, and that i should attempt to follow their foot steps and not slack around. Still inspirational is Candy Goh: 3 times on Dean's Honour Roll. That's equivalent to Dean's list. Though it was for business, it's still incredible. Well she's my mum's friend's daughter. Not say real close to her, but still inspirational.

Flustered

Think i am not studying well. Not good. So i have to sacrifice a sumptuous dinner in city with SSAV. Sad that John had to go back to Malaysia in the end. But well as long as he is happy that way. There is seldom a win-win situation.

Realise that i have really really great inertia to go against to start studying. And no, i have not got the momentum yet. I am a little worried. Registered for driving lessons from RACV, hope they get back to me soon. Haha to think that i was wondering if there was enough time for other stuff like archery. Well this comes to show that i can't manage my time properly...

Meanwhile, photos i took in Malacca are out. It's the biggest set i have uploaded so far. Hope you guys like it. Photos of my room and refugees that have frequented are also there!

Now back to Anatomy. Hope i can mug hard to get the postgrad thingy our Gerry promised us.

The Feeling

The feeling that i have lesser confidence in myself somehow unlike last year.
The feeling that trouble is brewing among us somewhere i can't see too clear.
The feeling that i can make it somehow.
The feeling that love can come and go so fast you never saw how.

Think I resolve to do better this year. I realise so many people have high expectations of me since i went back. Well i will do my best that's all i can say.

The cycle of birthdays begin again.

The feeling of fear so great that my heart shivers, and yet my face still carries a perpetual smile, and the hand is yet so stable.

Got a new quilt and quilt cover set. Cost me a bit, but Kmart had 30% off! My wardrobe has much left to be desired and my quilt doesnt really maches my bed sheets that i have. booo hoo how smart can i be..

I love my house except for the shower that has almost zilch pressure. I will survive. I am praying that XY, Kel and Becky get electricity soon. They are really suffering...

Back in Melbourne

The long hiatus on this blog is finally broken. But i am back in Melbourne. The room of my new home is still in the process of reinventing itself. I need to unpack and pack. Too many cooking stuff i kept and have. :)

Meanwhile, i still haven't uploaded:
Amy's trip to Singapore pics together with CNY at chinatown
My trip to penang.

Realised that i am so unprepared for skool and life back in Aussie. I'm starting to miss home a bit more than last year.

Time for consolidating your gains

A look at the Channelnews Asia feature on the 1997 Asian crisis reminded me of what is happening now: the huge boom. I am definitely not an economist and there is no evidence whatsoever, but well i can only say what comes after a climax is a decline. So maybe it is time to consolidate your gains if you have stocks out there. No one knows what will happen next.

Well consolidating your gains can refer to appreciating what you have. In the less monetary terms: the relationships, love, and family. Well i am glad of the many new friends i made since i came back, indulge in reminiscing the past with good old friends.

Family: well they are always there for me, and i definitely havent done enough for them. It is never enough. We owe our parents too much. They are the ones i am willing to sacrifice for.

Oh yar and photos of the Settlers Cafe with the juniors are up on my Flickr

The start of my holidays proper.

This blog has not been updated for quite some time, no spice, no interesting stuff.. As we can see, Kerf's life has been stagnant. Monotony has ruled in his mundane working life. As such, he has planned his escape from the retail world. The broad and amazingly interesting world of Retail, for the sake of his rest and relax he needs for his holiday.

The Retail world: you never know what it really is till you experienced it. The cut throat competitions among some people, the nice colleagues, the stress of having to meet targets, the sense of disablement when you see the amount of old stock you have to finish pulling out and new stock to put in the miniscule storeroom, all part of the many facets of the retail world.

Some ask me, what have I learnt during this job? Well communication is something i observed very well. The multiple hits and misses during the pitching of sales has taught me how to observe people in such minute detail (a slight twitch of the eyebrow) and at the same time the big picture (body language). People react so differently, some hide their inner thoughts that affect their actions and speech so well that it's scary. You can assess how much people are actually interested in buying stuff u sell. Well some are so subtle that it is almost instinctive to pick up and i therefore have no idea how to explain them.

I met many interesting people along the way. There are the hot babes that i click so well with, and are filthy rich and about 2-3 years older, to the blardy irritating pest of this world non-stop-complainers that i have to say sorry to for something i have not done. You learn a huge chunk. From discussing about the casinos springing up soon, to the 5 million shares my customer bought and which stocks to buy. Met many lawyers, and huge huge numbers of bankers and investors that talk by the millions on the phone. The gays, the lesbians, the hot mommas, the couple that changed together in 1 fitting room...

Well for those who i have not met since i came back, i promise to try meeting u after i end my job. So dun be surprised if i go knocking on ur door in the mth of Feb. And think i will make a few cakes along the way, so some of you will be lucky to have cake in ur mouth with the honour of kerf visiting you. wahaha

So i got a new camera

Yes i got it at last. And a tat too soon, as someone offered me a deal $21 cheaper. damn...

Well took quite many fotos recently, on my way to work, to events like the Aussie Med students gathering at Marriot Hotel organised by Sing Health.

Realised that i got loads and loads to learn still for composing pictures. A quote from the book MJ bought me for my bdae (yes MJ i am reading it at last): "What makes a picture good is what happens before the shutter is pressed (composing the picture), not wat happens during or after."

I am quiting my job on 31st January. Need to start writing my resignation letter. Loved working there, the staff there is so nice. GO TO RAOUL @ HITACHI TOWERS! lol Kamal, Linda, Karin, had loads and still having lots of fun with them. Hope my pay comes through this time. Or i think some legal action can be taken. Wahaha.

Got my air ticket liao. Flying on 22 FEB. 11+pm SQ

Life without time for myself

It's been real real tiring. Life without internet or something above 56kbps is real irritating. i busted my internet quota of a miserly 250mb on my broadband and am now relegated to using 56kbps. That is if i hae time or energy to come online in the first place.

Work has been well... mundane. though i get to learn how to communicate and appease disturbing or disturbed customers. There was this one that came in when we werent that busy and spent 1 hr talking to me. It was a guy. Some of my friends think he was there to pick me up... maybe he was disturbed... When i am done with work i squeeze some time after work which is 8pm to hang with some friends, to the disappointment of my family that expects me to stay home. There was salsa every wed that i had to rush to without having dinner. Now there is going to union square Friday nights to salsa with the bunch that i learnt with. It was nice to see Rong yao and his friends that day. And the nights that i spent practicing salsa with Xinyi and her friends.

I need to get the number of potong pasir cc soon. i always end up gg there for archery when they are not open and end up going back home... Hanged out with my JC classmates at last yesterday at Surf & Turf. Then went for bowling at Marina Square. And after not touching the bowls for a year or more, i conclude that i should stay away from it for probably the rest of my life. I cant bowl for nuts and i broke my thumb nail so badly it bled terribly.

Spending this New Year's eve home with family, trying to tap into other's wireless to get a better internet conection...

A thought about parenting: Many of our parents were in huge families and they didnt get enough atterntion or concern from their parents. There was also not really that much money to get around the 5 to 10 siblings. So as a result, they probably swore to take care of their kids well and make sure they had enough money to provide for them, and not to get too many children as it will reduce the amount on each child. So that is why most of our parents have a maximum of 2 children (also due to the rising costs of bringing up a child), and also that they probably show us so much concern that we feel it's a bit too much some times. Well that only applies to some of us... They still love us.

About Sunrises

Apparently the immense expense of free time i had on my trip to Penang has triggered much fodder for the 'prolific' blog of mine (thanx again Dinesh) lol. For those who have experienced kerfern's relatively random train of thought: the following should be of no surprise fow fleeting my attention span is for each topic.

I realise that i needed to get a tan, so i went to get it. and i am a bit red from it too. Then one night while i was about to drift into sweet slumber, a flash of thought so quick, an inspiration, a glimpse of what i have yet to realise in my life! Oh it's nothing much actually, just that i have taken realatively many photos but i havent gottem a proper sunrise through my camera's ccd, though i have a few sunsets. So i vouch that one of the first few photos i am going to take with my soon to arrive Fz50 will be a sunrise. Anyone got lobang for a good location for a sunrise must tell me. Anyone interested in joining me to take also contact me (preferably hot looking, female, and can drive, and HAS a car to drive ;p)

Then i realised that most people i noe at Monash Medicine are first or only borns! here's the tally (got no time to cover all)
first/only borns:

1. me
2. jasmine
3. MJ
4. Rebecca
5. Kel
6. Josh
7. Ling
8. Kary
9. Xin Yi
10. Melanie i tink
11. Melissa (she has a brother and has migrated to the following list) (thanx becky for reminding me)
12. Jonathans, yes all 3 of them
13. Ethan
14. and think still got others, those i left out are not intetional, i'm in a hurry yar

Those not that i squeezed my head and extracted that are not:

1. John Lee weichern
2. Jeff
3. ... And my brain power diminishes to zilch

NOW ever wonder why plastic surgeons are called plastic surgeons? do they actually use plastics or polymers all the time to stitch people up? That was another question i had while lying on my bed with a poolside view in Penang. So i checked it up and the reason for the naming is: The word "plastic" derives from the Greek plastikos meaning to mold or to shape; its use here is not connected with the synthetic polymer material known as plastic. Well shihui said, dont all surgeons mold anyway? i suppose we do.